Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Yesterday ... Gelare was a little tasteless to me ... due to my running nose and cough ... i simply cant taste any sweetness ... its rather saddening... and was thinking why have i not seen a doctor. i guess its part of the culture of my family... cos my grandpa was a chinese medic, who owns a chinese medicine shop and till now its still up and running. So, whenever we get sick, we will take chinese medicine and the clinic will be our last resort. I find it rather weird... cos the cause and my condition wasn't diagnose by my uncle himself instead its my mother who look at me and went to tell my uncle wad she thinks is wrong with me. i mean... shouldn't they let the "doctor" do the check himself? and later on... i was kind of forced to drink all the bitter "liang teh" (not that i hate them... i actually like to drink those ^^) without knowing wad they are... and so that's how my fever goes up and down and after 3 days... im stuck with a running nose and cough... WITHOUT any MC from a certified doctor. .________.I'm super depressed these days as i find it super difficult to communicate with my parents... i wonder if they really understand wad i said or not...(start of my grumbling... skip plz)okz... cos i'm somewhat labelled as a working lady (wad they claim me to be) to them now, my mum expect me to give her monthly alllowance... alrite u ask for $50 (may not be much to me since im working) so i gave~ i din know that a "working lady" label is so different from a "study daugther" label... i simply felt that i'm no longer a daugther... instead, i'm like a overseas student staying under my landlord's roof. how depressing is that... >.< i told my mum that i wun be able to give her the $50 this month since i started the driving thingy... (the whole course will accumulate to ard $2000-$2500) so... i was thinking if she can help me with half (not exactly half of $115) the registration fee... and she started nagging. (was on my way to the bathroom... i dun even wanna know the contents) So... after my nice bath i thought i could go on the net or do some Sudoko but my mum come to the door of my room and again nagging... she started off with the fact that i should give her $50 and so i say ok.. fine.. $50 give u ... but my driving course will be so expensive... how will you expect me to pay alone? then she said she will help if my lesson starts... BUT THE FACT IS.. THE LESSON ALREADY STARTED LE! and i already paid for the registration fee... i explained to her about the booking and payment of the booked practical classes, how difficult it would be then to get money from her and pay for the classes for every booking i make. (i think she jus cant understand a single word i say) and she "finally" demanded for the $50 and start nagging about how she helped me to wash the clothes blah blah blah... how she is still paying for my phone bills... how i still uses her ezlink card now and then... how i went out nearly every friday sat and sun... how i spend my money (did i even spend alot? i dun think so... )... oh ya... she nags about the $30 i spend on the CRAB meal and how i was so busy that i cant bother to help her turn the kitchen fire down (hey.. if u wan to ask me to help at least dun demand for it when i'm rushing off.. i noticed something is cooking and it seems to be boiling but i din know if u wan to turn it off or wad, i went out to let u know and what i get is not a thank you but a demand.. let me know if you will help if you were in my shoes) ... these statements were made like 5 times every week... she practically compares my with a working adult... saying that i'm like those people who spends every single cent away just before i get my next pay roll... this is really too much... because I DID SAVE! (not really a big amount but my pay is only 600-800 and half my pay is safely inside my bank monthly) She claims that i din save because i go out... to her.. go out = spend money... HOW THE HELL U WANT ME TO STAY AT HOME ALL WEEK!!!!! seriously... try working all week and when you have free time for yourself... tell me if u wan to do something u wan to do outside home or u wan to stay at home to... talk to yourself? (cos there's no one at home on sat... and dun i derserve the break?) Everytime these type of argument starts, i would in the end give up and say "fine... take wadever you want... i dun wanna argue with you now" ... cos everyone is so angry how are we suppose to talk straight? WORSE, my father tried to settle the score with me too... i thought he would at least understand the main point is about the driving lesson and the $50 BUT he just go with my mum's flow... scolded me selfish and only thinking about myself and the 2 of them harmoniously bombarded me at the door of my room.. while i'm drying my hair... . . . zzZzzI jus wanna know... how bad am i a daugther? am i really that that that bad? to the extend that you dun wan to be my parent? have i been so extremely selfish? why am i able to communicate with other adults but not you? it really hurts... and somehow... i wanna start giving up... how am i suppose to change? how do you wan me to change? i'm grateful for the things u did... but i really duno what to do to show my gratitude... and it really saddens me that i'm expected to be grateful by my parents... i felt so unlike a daugther... im still a 19 yr old girl... but i dun say things like i expect my parents to look after me... in contary u ask me to think more for you and how thankful i should be... seriously... these things cannot be said... it really SUX to hear all these shit...*fuck off~*
♥ the world will turn WILD.
4:26 PM
